Freedom

Sometimes I look back at myself the way I was in high school and in my first couple of years at uni and think what strange turns my life has taken. I am such a completely different person to who I was ten years ago that I'm sure some of the people I went to school with would not recognise me any more.

One of the aspects that has changed - very much for the better - is my ability to interact with the opposite sex on a purely platonic level (at least on my side, for some of them!). Way back when, if I were newly single, I would have started hunting for a new squeeze almost before the tears were dry, just because having anyone was better than having no-one. Now, however, I have learned from experience to value the closeness that comes from a truly loving relationship, and take the time to treasure it and store it up in the term-deposit section of my memory bank, to be withdrawn at a later date when I can think back on it without painful feelings of loss. Consequently, I can spend time with men, and enjoy their company, without having any desires or expectations that a relationship will follow. I think it comes at least in part from not wanting to devalue what I have had, and also from learning that it takes a lot to attract me to someone in that special way.

So much for the contemplation - it's way past my bedtime.