defiant

I was contemplating not updating for a while - as in, completely disappearing off the social radar, in more than just the physical sense. But somehow the narcissistic impulse will not be stilled.

I have just set myself an important and weighty task, which if I can achieve, will be a major step forward for my ambitions. There is proof of capability at stake here, and at present I am at the stage where I can actually believe in my own successes. I intend to milk this belief for all it's worth.

There have been times, in the past, where I have discerned a need or a strong desire for something, but my self-doubt has stood in the way of my achieving it. The fear: that even if I did succeed, even if I did the best I was capable of doing, it would still be insufficient, and still would not bring the happiness and satisfaction I craved.

Now the fear has been conquered. The euphoria I felt over the play has left a small glow of confidence in its wake, and the determination to push forward and achieve more.

The dragon is beginning to awaken...